Inner G, or playing around with creativity

Thus far into 2020 your humble blogger decided to take an online course called Using Creative Problem Solving. One of the assignments inspired me to do tap into my playful side and come up with this

It's a "self portrait" I dub "Inner G" (Shout out to Janelle Monàe for the word play).

On World AIDS Day-A review of "The Gifts of the Body"

 

 

 

It's easy to let the adage "You have to know where you've been to know where you're going" go in one ear and out of the other.  However, in the fight against AIDS, the importance of remembrance can't be overstated.  Written in 1994, Rebecca Brown's The Gifts of the Body illustrates in simple yet gripping prose moments of those with the disease nearing their end and those caring for them.  The story is narrated by an unnamed home health care aide, who chronicles the stories of her clients (all of whom have AIDS) and events in her time with them.  In actuality, it's more than a chronicle.  Brown's writing has her narrator inviting the reader to the world she inhabits as opposed to detailing events. It is a heart rending display of the moments associated with caring for and being with someone as they prepare to leave this earth from a devastating disease. 

 

 Each page oozes with the sense of the dignity of the human person, and the moral heroism of upholding that through everyday actions, even as the recipient is nearing the end of life.  The narrator's respect for her clients as human beings and her determination to treat them as such are palpable.  Life is treated as a gift, which is even demonstrated how each chapter is titled "The Gift of...".  Such is necessary and illustrated so as the characters face the ravages of the AIDS virus.  The inevitable loss of death is treated with tender care, especially at the story's end. 

 

Things have come a long way in the AIDS battle since the era in which Rebecca Brown wrote Gifts.  Even then, as Brown illustrates, the fight has been about the right and duty for every person to be treated with dignity-especially in the face of illness and end of life.  At the same time, it's a timeless lesson. If we're going to progress, especially in the struggle against AIDS, honoring peoples' humanity has to be at it's core.



Book Review: Washington Through a Purple Veil

Many are familiar with noted political commentator of late memory Cokie Roberts.  The name of her mother, the late congresswoman Lindy Boggs, however, may not ring a bell. Boggs' memoir, Washington Through a Purple Veil: Memoirs of a Southern Woman, shows her to be a notable figure in her own right who deserves wider recognition.

The main word that came to mind when reading the book was astute.  Her ability to describe the world of politics, which had been a part of her life from her early years, demonstrates a keen awareness of how it works as well as the bigger picture of what it's for. She does it with the grace and charm typically associated with her heritage.   Entering the political scene through her work with husband Hale Boggs during his congressional career,  she went on to take over his seat when he disappeared during a plane trip. Hers was a rich life, full of faith,  family,  and service to the community.  

Washington through a Purple Veil is a worthwhile read, illustrating the best of what a life in politics can look like.  It's a beautifully woven portrait of a life dedicated to public service during a time of immense change.

Through ups and downs, Lindy Boggs demonstrated herself a character of remarkable strength and dogged devotion to serving others. 

Lessons From a Plant, Part 2

It's been a long time coming, but your humble blogger figured it's time to give an update on her plant situation. Sadly,  Ms. Stronàe kicked the bucket earlier this year.  It was a good run, as she lasted three years. In her passing,  she reiterated to yours truly the following:

1) You can only do your best, and be humble about it
When gardening is not your thing, don't expect the same results as someone who is a gardening or plant expert. While it was a bit disappointing to see Stronáe go after having done my best to maintain her. The experience taught me that keeping a plant alive for three years  is pretty good for someone that's a novice at the whole thing.  When you put forth your best effort, you have to be okay with that.

2) There can be self-conscious with any project,  but don't let it cloud your efforts.
Keeping a plant can raise one's self-consciousness level as it involves taking care of a life. While not the same as taking care of a human life, taking care of a plant is taking care of a life nonetheless. That means occasional moments where one finds themselves second-guessing what they're doing.  The result may be making a judgment that may cause damage instead of helping. Keeping in mind point number 1 can help in these times and also

3)You can begin again.
Despite the loss, your humble blogger decided to try the plant owning thing again.  Meet Cecile

She came from a local plant vendor and is holding up ok, given your humble blogger's attempts to put Stronáe's lessons into practice. 

Until next time,

Undoing knots-literally

(Image courtesy of churchpop.com)

Your humble blogger was yet again hit with a "truism worth resharing" moment. This time,  it was from trying to untangle my necklace that got knotted. The chain was so thin and delicate that the patience was seemingly literally the only way it got untangled. Rolling the knot though my fingers to loosen it up to the point where it could be opened some more with a paper clip took more time than I had patience to give.  Yet alas, there was no other choice but to let the process work itself out.  While it seems common knowledge,  the idea of working on being patient to undo the "knots" in life feels elusive sometimes. It may be worthwhile to find a moment to find where your patience muscle can be built and see some "knots" of life untangle.

Another 'nuff said moment

Once again, your humble blogger came across something to good not to repos:

That's it. That's the post.

Blessings.

Book Review: Getting to Yes

With Interest: A Review of Getting to Yes

            Everyone negotiates in some form or fashion in their everyday life.  In reading Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In by Roger Fisher and William Ury, the authors address the subject from a perspective that may seem foreign to many.  Introducing the concept of principled negotiation, the authors approach negotiations in a no-frills manner that describes a process that goes beyond skin deep.  This especially illustrated in their concept of focusing on interests instead of positions. It is an approach, as will be described in this paper as one that produces results.

            Reading as a how-to guide, Fisher and Ury give practical advice to resolving conflicts.  Promoting the idea of principled negotiation, they define a process as one that determines issues based on their merits (Fisher and Ury, 1981, p. xvii). It assumes a goal of achieving results agreed on by both sides that are mutually satisfactory (p. 14).  Of the factors that go into the process, the clear standout is the idea of emphasizing interests.

            The obvious question at this point is most likely “Why care about interests? Isn’t negotiating about getting what you want in the first place?”  According to the authors, “positional bargaining becomes a contest of the will” (p. 6). It’s a situation where those involved get entrenched in their sides and attempt to get the other to back down (p.6).  They further note that in such a situation it is difficult to come to reconciliation (p. 5).

            Most people have seen enough court shows to know that most aren’t there for the money, but “the principal”. Or, in the case of the all-too-familiar high profile divorce, one side (usually the wife) argues for alimony in order to “maintain the lifestyle enjoyed during the marriage” As the authors contend, the primary issue in negotiating isn’t about positions, but interests (p. 40).  Given this, they argue for focusing on interests in order to achieve resolution (p. 41).  Going back to the aforementioned court shows, many have ended in one side getting something of value comparable to the amount money they were being argued for.  The authors go further in making their argument, however, by delving into the reason this technique works.

            In explaining the usefulness of focusing on interests, Fisher and Ury explore the concept of shared and conflicting interests as being hidden under differing positions.  They argue that looking at these issues will lead one to find more similarities than differences (p. 42).  Even if there are differences in interests, they argue, resolution is possible (p. 43).  With this in mind, the conversation moves to how to identify interests.

            Fisher and Ury solve this conundrum by beginning with asking the questions “Why” and “Why Not?” (p. 44).   The first question requires a negotiator to analyze the other side’s position and look at the reasoning behind that position, focusing specifically on understanding the desires, hopes, fears, or needs that it addresses (p. 44).  The second requires a negotiator to look at the other side’s state of mind by asking themselves why the other side didn’t take the position they felt the aforementioned negotiator would take (p. 44).  These are techniques that are more than applicable to the real world.

            In contentious situations, many try to “get in the head” of their opponents.  Given this, it would be logical to attempt to understand the reasoning for a opponent’s particular position.  In this regard, Fisher and Ury makes a strong case. Nevertheless, they delve into the subject even deeper.

            The authors further contend that each side in a negotiation has varying interests, therefore making this fact necessary information for negotiators (p. 47).   Such realizations, they argue, enables both individual and shared interests to be pursued by both parties involved in the process.  In analyzing this point, its value becomes self-evident. Like the layers of an onion, Fisher and Ury attempt to peel away to the core of the negotiating process-basic human needs.

            Earlier in the book, the two promote the idea of negotiators are, first and foremost, people (p. 18).  With this, there are basic needs people desire to be met, such as security, belonging, and financial stability (p. 50).  However, as Dale Carnegie (1936, p. 18) notes, there is an even deeper human need that is “gnawing and unfaltering”-the need to be important.  Simple yet elusive, Fisher and Ury in no uncertain terms define this fundamental concept of negotiating.   With everything in mind, the book next takes the reader to the following step-communicating interests.

            Common knowledge dictates communication as a necessity for negotiating.  As the saying goes, “closed mouths don’t get fed”.  At the same time, bad communication has been proven time immemorial to be a deal-breaker. Fisher and Ury describe various methods for one to express their interests when negotiating-making the interests come alive, acknowledging the other side’s interest as part of the problem, putting the problem before the answer,  look forward, not back, and be simultaneously concrete and flexible (pp. 50-53). 

            In describing the first method, the book reasons for using details when talking about interests during negotiations (p. 50).  This has become an increasingly significant part of social interaction that almost every reality TV show today has a segment where contestants make their cases for why they should continue.  As the authors note negotiators should let the other side know that their issues “legitimately demands attention” (p. 51). Going back to the aforementioned Carnegie, the following phrase sums this technique best:

This is the day of dramatization.  Merely stating a truth isn’t enough.  The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic.  You have to use showmanship. (Carnegie, p. 191)

Not to downplay the opposing side, the book further makes arguments for affirming that side’s interests as part of the problem.

            In light of aforementioned basic human need for being important, Fisher and Ury again illustrate the everyday usefulness of this method in negotiating.  As they note “People listen better if they feel that you have understood them” (p. 51). Not only this, they also tie this concept with the aforementioned focus on shared interests (p. 51).  Without mutual understanding, then, no mutual agreement can be achieved.  In order to do this, the authors maintain, both parties should set their aims toward the future.

            Again connecting this concept with the previous concept of asking “why”, the book notes that the question “looks forward for a purpose” (p. 51). As the saying goes, “It’s not where you come from, but where you’re going”.  Hence, coming to an agreement means reaching consensus on a future solution.  It is easy to move forward when there are no obstacles coming from behind.  With this in consideration, Fisher and Ury take their focus on interests to the negotiating table

            When the time comes to make a deal, the authors maintain the importance of keeping options concrete yet flexible (p. 51).  These options, they note, should be in line with the negotiator’s interest (p. 51).  As the book states, “The purpose of negotiating is to serve your interests” (p. 50).  Simply stated, it is a pure description of everyday life.

            Bringing the point home, Fisher and Ury address a significant aspect on focusing on interests-attacking the problem without attacking people.   This succinctly brings all the areas of the concept of interests together.  When a negotiator creates interest on the part of the opposition in the underlying issues involved in the conflict, they are directly addressing the problem while focusing less on who’s involved.  That frees up room to create mutual understanding.  Hence, there is room for consensus.

            The concepts of Getting to Yes are presented in a concise and readable manner.  Each example is taken from an everyday situation, making it relatable for the readable.  It is in this that the book has its potency.  As each point delicately intertwines with another, the advice it gives becomes all the more relevant and useful. 

            In many negotiation scenarios, it is difficult to focus on anything other than success.  In their book, Roger Fisher and William Ury illustrate the concept of focusing on interests in such circumstances.  By explaining the why and how of this aspect of negotiating, Getting to Yes gives the reader gets a no-holds-barred picture of the fundamentals of their “principled negotiation” style.  It is a style, tested by time and common knowledge that offers satisfying results for all parties involved..

           

             

           

References

Carnegie, D. (1936).  How to Win Friends & Influence People. New York: Pocket Books.

Fisher, R. and Ury, W (1981).  Getting To Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In.  New York: Penguin Books.