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What's been on your humble blogger's mind lately has been the idea of the connection between self care and self gift. To be specific: much has been talked of the former, but what does it really mean, especially if not in the context of the latter? In addition, what does it mean for one to give of oneself? The response, as intuited by your humble blogger, is rooted in an understanding of the self in terms of a transcendent paradox in which, to quote Thomas Merton, " We must forget ourselves in order to become conscious of who we are". It is an understanding in which, to further quote Merton,
What I do is also done for them [others] and with them and by them. What they do is done in me and by me and for me. But each one of us remains responsible for his own share in the life of the whole body.
In other words, self care is for self gift-to be taken in a holistic and transcendent light. It goes to the heart of who we are as human beings. It goes to the meaning of life. Understood in this fashion, it respects both our humanity and our purpose.
There is a great truism that goes "You can't give what you don't have". What we as humans have, to continue in Merton's insightful thought, is meaning:
No matter how ruined man and his world may seem to be, and no matter how terrible man's despair may become, as long as he continues to be a man his very humanity continues to tell him that life has a meaning. (No Man is an Island)
Given that, he continues, it is the individual's responsibility to find that meaning for his or herself. What is that meaning anyway? Salvation.
Merton defines salvation as the "tangled paradoxes" of "self-realization in the order of nature" and " of "the finding of ourselves...in the supernatural order". He describes it as being "...contained in [a saying] of St. Paul: 'We are all members one of another'". It seems to logically flow from this that one would practice care of the self. Such care wouldn't be just any kind, but a kind that would, continuing from Merton's thought, enable one to "face myself exactly as I am, with all my limitations, and to accept others as they are, with all
their limitations.". Continuing logic would thus connect this self-care to giving of the self.
Merton insightfully illustrates this when he notes that
This matter of "salvation" is, when seen intuitively, a very simple thing. But when we analyze it, it turns into a complex tangle of paradoxes...We gain only what we give up, and if we give up everything we gain everything. We cannot find ourselves within ourselves, but only in others, yet at the same time before we can go out to others we must find ourselves.
This gift, however, has to be properly ordered. As Merton further explains
If my gift [to another] is intended to bind him to me, to put him under an obligation, to exercise a kind of hidden moral tyranny over his soul, then in loving him I am really loving myself
What Merton alludes to here is the self-gift in a selfish way. That's just one way self gift can drift from it's proper order. One can risk giving themselves as an end in itself, not grounding it in objective reality. In addition, one can give of themselves in a way that neeedlesly harms the physical, spiritual, and emotional well being of oneself and/or the person they give themselves to. The same principle can be applied to self care as well.
It thus appears that self-gift is a natural feature and product of self care. Neither one can be self-centered, or they will become selfish. They also have to be concerned with objective reality and the higher good, lest they be applied in an unhealthy manner. Underlying all of this is a holistic and transcendent view of humanity, which isn't always included in contemporary discussions.
The question of self-care and self-gift comes down to just that-the self. As illustrated above, the human self is one that is both natural and supernatural in one whole. With that in mind, an inherent dignity of the human self as human is recognized and respected. One doesn't have to look far to see where such a view isn't always included in current conversation. In fact, many discussions these days seem to take an opposing view from the aforementioned , turning self-care and self-gift into loaded terms.
What then, to make of self in a society seemingly obsessed with the care of it? As illustrated in this work with the help of some insights from Thomas Merton, self care is for self gift. Both have to viewed an applied in light of the holistic and transcendent in order to be implemented the way they're meant to be. At least for your humble blogger, that's what her musings on the subject have come up with.
What are your thoughts? Be sure to utilize the comment box.
Sources:
Merton, Thomas. No Man is an Island. New
York:Harcourt, 1975.
